Madame Thursday

[TW: Rape, rape threats, racism] Not human

cruelyouth:

I’ve been dealing with a lot of family shit, then I have class projects I haven’t even started because of family shit, but I think I’m caught up on what’s happening on here finally.  I want to say something about it because I’m livid when I just scanned through it again.

Don’t get me wrong — of course white people whining about being upset at PoC’s anger, which is usually a response to white supremacy and racism, is silly, immature, and further proves the point of how white people’s feelings > PoC’s lives.  Fortunately, if they unlearn their own racism, white people can grow out of it.

However, to even be upset at stuff somebody else says, you would at the very least have to be human first.

This Rachel monster who made rape threats to Riley is not human.  They weren’t just “upset” with Riley — they’re just not human.  Period.  There’s no reasoning or excusing her behavior.  AT ALL.  Personally, I don’t even want to try to figure out what the fuck goes on in the heads of people like that.

I’m also doubting Tumblr support’s humanity for being so slow to respond to it.  Then, there’s the people telling Riley and their followers to “get over it” and/or defending this monster who’s humanity is questionable, too.

Don’t think I’m saying 1900fuckoff/21fatstreet and their defenders and condoners aren’t human beings — I’m not spreading the problematic idea that people who do disgusting things like this can’t be human beings (in fact, it can be your friend, your boss, whoever. Soulless fuckers can wear a lot of masks.  It’s easier and feels more comfortable to wear a mask when you’re soulless). 

They do have the capacity to think and feel, but they don’t have the ability or willingness. They’re not human.  They’re not being human.

No one, and I mean NO ONE, no matter what they do or say (even including that Rachel bitch) deserves that sort of treatment.  NO ONE deserves to have explicit rape threats thrown at them.  IDGAF what they’ve done or said. 

But PoC go through it every day.   And not only on Tumblr, but everywhere.  And the threats don’t have to be as overt as that Rachel bitch’s was.  And it doesn’t matter how we act — inhumane assholes like Rachel attack PoC, and white society protects the inhumane asshole instead of holding them accountable for their actions while victim-blaming PoC for not responding well.  To white society, “justice” usually means, “whatever keeps white people on top and gets PoC to shut up.”  The internet can be a place where we could feel a little safe, if just for a while, to be ourselves, but Tumblr is actually having a hand in making it unsafe.  More on that in a minute.

It’s a sick way to intimidate somebody into silence.  A very fucking sick way.  You can tell Riley to STFU (and I’ll join them in lulz), but making threats like this is SICK.  It’s straight-up sociopathic behavior (and I don’t want to hear any fucking derails about how I’m being “ableist”).

And everybody who condoned, encouraged, dismissed, and shrugged it off are a part of it and should be held accountable. 

You’re not human.  And people like Rachel in particular can probably never, ever redeem themselves.

And they’re not jokes.  Not at all.  If anybody laughed at anything Riley was put through, then clearly your true character is showing, and for the safety of society, I suggest you remove yourself from it.  Permanently.  They have REAL effects, despite how serious the person making the threats are.  And that’s why Rachel kept doing it — she knew the effects.  She knew what she was doing and saying.

I saw the monster’s blogs were deleted, but make no mistake — this isn’t an isolated incident.  It happens all the time, and society normalizes it.  This is how racism and rape culture intersect and are upheld.  If you followed what Riley went through, you just witnessed it.  If you didn’t see it, read what happened again (I have the post on my blog).  And it has very real, adverse effects on PoC.  That’s why people do it.

Y’all are not human, and I treat you as such.  Whenever I see another person having threats like this shoved in their face, I don’t give a shit about how “upset” you were.  I don’t give a shit about how you feel.  You can’t have any real feelings if you act like that.  I won’t care.  Whenever I see that shit, I’ll treat you like the soulless monsters you are.

As for Tumblr, I saw they deleted Rachel’s blogs.  Took them forever though.  But there are a lot of blogs that haven’t been deleted, and a lot of users that have never been suspended. 

I never really had the illusion that Tumblr was a safe place, but it’s more than just unsafe where an occasional asshole ruins discussions — Tumblr support condones, protects, and defends this sort of behavior.  They condone, protect, and defend threats of murder and rape of PoC.  They are threats that can and DO turn into action outside of the internet, in real life.  And Tumblr condones, protects, and supports it.

And I’m not overreacting at all when I say this.  Despite the bold, I said the above sentences in a calm voice when I typed it out.

They condone it by ignoring the reports while simultaneously threatening to shut anybody down who endure shit like this all the time and respond angrily over it.  Their ToS is just full of nice words to appease marginalized people who’ve complained a lot about being attacked on their site.

Then they protect and defend it by calling it all “freedom of speech.”  For one thing, Tumblr, you are not the government.  We know that.  We’re not even asking you to arrest people, though threatening and stalking people like this can get you arrested (if you threaten a white person).  All we’re asking is to remove people who make threats of rape and murder towards others, saying they’ll do it to the other person, while dehumanizing them with racial slurs.  That’s not a lot to ask for.  And second of all, “freedom of speech” doesn’t even protect threats. 

And l feel like I need to make a note of this because people like to make this excuse:  If you’re about to point out that we tell white people who threaten our emotional, mental, and even physical safety to go jump off cliffs, that is NOT a threat.  It’s not even classified as a threat.  It is NO WHERE near saying that you’re planning to do bodily harm on somebody else, threatening them repeatedly, and stalking their personal spaces so that you can threaten them.  When I say that, I want people who are doing harm to me to get away from me and stop doing me harm, and I usually block them afterwards.  In the end, I could handle white people telling me to go jump off a cliff — that’s why I say it to them.  I’ve heard worse, and usually, white people say and do worse.

If you still want to argue about it, then I guess you should just it as a joke.  But I encourage you to read again where I say NO ONE deserves to be threatened like Riley was, no matter what they do or say, and no matter if they’re making the threats themselves.  Not even that soulless monster Rachel deserves it.

You’re not human.  Not at all.  You’re not being human at all, even though you are human beings.

(via karnythia)

If You Had Not Heard

kiriamaya:

[Trigger warning: rape threats, sexual harrassment]

garlandgrey:

The Atheism subreddit proved that Richard Dawkins is so full of shit he’s legally a septic tank by launching rape and kidnapping threats at a 15-year-old girl when she posted a picture of herself with a book by Carl Sagan. Rebecca Watson wrote about it on Skepchick, “Reddit Makes Me Hate Atheists” which prompted Kate Harding’s “You Are Awful Too.”

First of all, I’ve never read a single word by Sagan that indicates he would have anything but contempt for a community that acted this way. All of the ignorant shitbeards making Sagan-themed rape “jokes” in that thread are insulting his legacy, full stop. Second, every conversation about Intersectional Atheism I’ve ever had has been attacked by men for being an unconscionable splintering of the movement. The reasoning goes that Religion is the source of all ills in the world, making all other struggles against oppression irrelevant. The work that Atheists do is so important, so vital, that if we all just focused on that we could solve everything.

It is apparently NOT important enough to avoid alienating enthusiastic young women from the next generation of Atheist activism with rape and abduction threats. I mean, who gives a shit about all of the people who will never, ever use Reddit as a resource for Atheist thought because of this? Or the people who are thinking of leaving the Church who DO use this subreddit as a resource, find all of their suspicions and fears confirmed and decide to stick with the comfortable and familiar instead of becoming one of these people? If Atheism isn’t important enough for you to fucking figure this stuff out, to figure out how not to squander human capitol like this, then Atheism isn’t important to you.

Being unapologetic shitbeards, their reaction was to blame the original poster for having posted a picture of her face, invoking the old “If you didn’t want to have someone threaten to abduct you and make you his sex slave, you shouldn’t have been a lady on the Internet” defense. Essentially, it would be goddamn impossible for any of those (grown, adult) men to not hurl abuse at a minor so she should have known better. And yet, there are places on the Internet where that shit simply doesn’t fly. It is shut down, tossed on its ass, and challenged to foster a dialogue that is worth more to its participants than whether a dude thinks their argument holds water. People marginalized by the movement seek out these spaces, because a large part of activism is discussion and rumination, and that absolutely cannot happen if the response they get is “Tits or GTFO.”

(via fancybidet)

This is why I will never go near Reddit. [TW: For people making rape jokes at a minor, gross misogyny, and sexism]

Because, this shit is allowed to happen. A lot.

ETA: DO NOT, FOR THE LOVE OF WHATEVER YOU HOLD DEAR, READ THE COMMENTS ON THAT ARTICLE. JUST DON’T EVEN DO IT. PRESERVE YOUR MENTAL HEALTH. THE MANSPLAINING IS STRONG WITH THESE THREADS.

(Warning, screencaps of this fuckery on the linked site).

Knowing what I know, this is probably not the first or last or even most severe instance of this. 

Long story short: Young woman (15-years-old) posts a relevant pic of herself holding a Carl Sagan book she got from her super religious mother for X-Mas in the atheist subreddit. Touching story of tolerance and building bridges, right?

Nope. It’s actually a cleverly disguised opportunity for a flood of misogynistic douchewads to produce their best rape jokes and upvote the ones other people post. To the point where upvotes of this trash far outweigh the downvotes by a LARGE MARGIN.

But wait, it’s not just about rape jokes. It’s about misogyny, too, and some clever soul posting a picture that basically says, “Stupid females. They post pictures of objects with themselves in it because they’re such camera whore. Not like us males who sensibly just photograph the object.”

When you have a site that ever, even for a minute allows even one person to tell a fifteen-year-old young woman THAT THEY WANT TO RAPE HER in graphic and rape-culture condoning terms, you’ve already failed. When your site and the moderation are designed so that this can continue for copious threads and get “upvotes” for it, showing that the community at large generally approves?

You have failed beyond the telling of it. And heavens forfend this young woman should have been of color. Then it would’ve been bitter misogyny + foul racism.

Oh, and anyone who wants to tell me how not ALL of reddit is like that and that there are great people there and some people protested? Don’t bother. 

Telling me that is like saying, “Well, not all the strains of bacteria, fungus, algae, and microbial life are harmful! Some are downright benign!” when I’ve told you why I refuse to drink from or swim in a cesspool or sewage tank. 

Sorry, it’s a place where harmful and filthy things are allowed to thrive BY DESIGN. I don’t care about the benign stuff, because there’s enough malignancy to make it toxic.

Oh, and a special “fuck you” to the person who made a snide remark about the young woman’s spelling when she replied to this bonanza of bullshit. 

Because of course, the idea that maybe her hands were shaking and she was trying not to have a total panic attack because MANY GROWN MEN JUST SAID HOW MUCH THEY WANTED TO RAPE HER AND HOW STUPID SHE WAS FOR BEING A GIRL is not at all feasible, right?

TW: Rape, victim blaming, talk of abduction | Correcting “Through a Rapist’s Eyes”

deliciouskaek:

boiiing:

planethealer:

karklesomalley:

Another so-called informative post on preventing rape on tumblr? Hmm. Let’s give it a read.

yabluko:

It seems that a lot of attackers use some tactic to get away with violence. Not many people know how to take care of themselves when faced with such a situation. Through a rapist’s eyes: A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts:

Already suspiciously worded. Lacks any kind of source.

• The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun, braid or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not common targets.

My… hair? They aren’t looking at my body, my location, just my hair? What does my hair have to do with this person’s decision to assault me? Answer: Nothing. Women with short hair are just as likely to be targets of any sort of violence, and may be at higher risk for random violence in conservative areas where short hair is not a standard and makes the victim stand out as an ‘other’

• The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women who’s clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around to cut clothing.

This cannot be true. “Oh, that lady’s wearing something too complex for me to undo and too thick to cut with my magical rapist scissors, I need to find another bird!”

• They also look for women using their cell phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered.

Being aware of the surroundings is a good thing, especially in unfamiliar areas. But, talking to someone on a cell phone means someone knows where you are. It’s a great tactic to stay on the line especially if you feel unsafe. Give your exact location and specific instructions to call authorities if you say a certain word or suddenly go silent.

• The number one place women are abducted from/attacked at is grocery store parking lots. Number two is office parking lots/garages. Number three is public restrooms.

I have serious doubts about the validity of these interviews. This reads like a deliberate attempt to make me feel unsafe in places that should be perfectly fine. Buying food isn’t safe! Work isn’t safe! Pissing isn’t safe! Also, the real #1 place people (of any gender) are assaulted?

“Over two thirds of all rapes occur in someone’s home. 30.9% occur in the perpetrators’ homes, 26.6% in the victims’ homes and 10.1% in homes shared by the victim and perpetrator. 7.2% occur at parties, 7.2% in vehicles, 3.6% outdoors and 2.2% in bars.^[6]”

None of those are office parking garages, restrooms or grocery store lots.

• The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to a second location where they don’t have to worry about getting caught.

Yeah, no. Most stranger-rape is impulsive and opportunistic. There is usually no second location, and definitely no plan with some prepared rape-den. Someone is vulnerable and alone, and a predator of a person takes advantage of it.

“In the “Rape in America” study, 80% of the girls and women who were raped were assaulted by someone they knew.  Similarly, in a report in “Violence Against Women” published by the Department of Justice, 82% of the victims were raped by someone they knew (acquaintance/friend, intimate, relative).

The most likely situation does not involve strangers as much as it involves people known to the victim.

• If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn’t worth it because it will be time-consuming.

BLATANTLY untrue. I don’t know who these mindless machine rapists are in this ‘advice’, but in the real world? A rapist is a person with motivations. If they are doing this to a stranger, it is not because they have a case of blue balls- it is to feel powerful, to have control over the victim. For sadistic reasons, or in anger. A fight isn’t usually going to dissuade them.

Oh, and? The implication that if a victim just fights hard enough, they won’t be raped? It is the opposite of good. It’s actually a lot like telling someone that failed to fend off a rapist that it’s their fault because they didn’t fight hard enough. That’s pretty much every flavor of bad. Every single one.

• These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas, or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands.

“These men”? Are they a members-only rapist club? Let’s all carry umbrellas just in case. New trend.

• Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you’re not worth it.

A key in the eye, however, will give you some time to bolt. You’ll already have your key ready for the car door/apartment door.

The last sentence gets detention. It is not anyone’s duty to convince these “guys” jack shit.

POINTS THAT WE SHOULD REMEMBER: 

Now lets use bold for superfun scaretactics!

• If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it, or make general small talk: can’t believe it is so cold out here, we’re in for a bad winter. Now that you’ve seen their faces and could identify them in a line-up, you lose appeal as a target.

Getting a look at faces is good. The outcome is completely random when it comes to talking. It might spur them into action, it might prevent an attack. It’s not set in stone. Because, as unlikely as it seems? Rapists and potential rapists are human beings! Not mindless fuck machines lurking for a umbrella-free long-haired woman on her cellphone.

• If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell Stop or Stay back! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they’d leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.

Again, misinformation. They are not looking for an easy target. They have no specific purpose because they are not in some rapist club with a walkthrough and a tip guide and a local charter than meets on Tuesdays. They are individual people who are choosing to assault a victim for their own reasons that have NOTHING TO DO WITH THE VICTIM.

• If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes,) yelling I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY and holding it out will be a deterrent.

It’s also super easy for it to be used against you, same as a gun. It is a deterrent, but for land’s sakes don’t go out and buy some then never learn to use it effectively.

• If someone grabs you, you can’t beat them with strength but you can do it by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm between the elbow and armpit or in the upper inner thigh - HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it; it really hurts.

Actually, you may very well be able to beat them with strength. And cunning! Or maybe there is nothing you can do. It is entirely likely that you are in a situation where your life on the line. Anything that happens is not your fault. It is is fault of the person who chose to assault. If you didn’t pinch right or you froze or you just stopped and retreated into your mind because you wanted to live, you didn’t want to make them angry?

It is not your fault. You did nothing wrong. No one has the right to tell you what you should have done- they were not there. You did nothing to deserve someone violating your space and your body. Assault is never the victim’s fault.

• After the initial hit, always go for the groin. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy’s parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you’ll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause him a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble, and he’s out of there.

Note, this person writes from a first-hand male perspective that flips to female at the end. Seems shady-to-manipulative.

Also, since these are people? One potential rapist may indeed run. Another might just get angrier and worse. These are not automatic rapemachines or mindless animals, they are thinking humans. There is no guaranteed safe thing to do.

• When the attacker puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly. 

Fight dirty. If you can fight, always fight dirty. This isn’t society anymore, it’s your body and you have a right to defend it. Go for eyes and ears and groins and knees, instep and soft/thin skinned areas.

If you can’t fight, it will still never ever be something someone can point to and say, “You weren’t raped! You didn’t (hit punch scream)…” A lack of any action does not imply consent and will never imply consent.

• Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don’t dismiss it, go with your instincts. You may feel little silly at the time, but you’d feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.

“Of course.” The language used is getting more and more aggravating.

Be aware yes, listen to your instincts, yes. But remember that by failing to do something you ‘always hear’? You have not given up your right to remain unmolested. (The last sentence can rot in the special hell.)

• FINALLY, PLEASE REMEMBER THESE AS WELL ….
• I know you are smart enough to know these pointers but there will be some, where you will go “hmm I must remember that” After reading, forward it to someone you care about, never hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in.

The first-person point of view is deeply irritating to the point of insulting.

• Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do it.

Go for it. Use anything. This advice is pretty shitty because it’s just as easy to hurt yourself or get caught in a more secure grab by moving your arms/elbows the wrong way.

• Learned this from a tourist guide to New Orleans: if a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you…. chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

Your belongings are always second to your life. But, if they aren’t interested in the purse? You just rid yourself of a heavy swinging weapon for no reason.

• If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car: Kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won’t see you but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

I have never been in a single trunk where this could be possible.

• Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc.) DON’T DO THIS! The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU CLOSE the DOORS, LEAVE.

Ah yes, those silly women and their lists and checkbooks!

Newer model cars tend to only unlock the driver’s door when you click the keyfob. My car only unlocks the driver’s door if I insert the key and turn once, a second turn will open the rest.

Also I deeply resent the idea that to not be raped you cannot be in a man’s eye ever you must RUN RUN RUN CONSTANT VIGILANCE!

No. Do whatever you want in your own car, lock it if you’re chilling for a long time. You don’t need to be panicked at everything in the world because WHAT IF THE POTENTIAL RAPIST IS WATCHING OH NO.

• A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage: 
• Be aware: look around your car as someone may be hiding at the passenger side, peek into your car, inside the passenger side floor, and in the back seat. (DO THIS TOO BEFORE RIDING A TAXI CAB).

Wh. What are- Okay, actually, new rule: lock your car if you can help it. If your car is locked you don’t need to check everything obsessively for the boogieman. This entire thing is just set to create maximum unease in any possible space.

• If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars Look at the car parked on the driver’s side of your vehicle, and the passenger side.

Nnnnoooo this is NOT HOW THIS WORKS STOP WATCHING ACTION MOVIES THEN GIVING ADVICE.

• If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

Shut up shut up you do not have to live in a world of fear because of the maybes damnit people die in their beds every night! oh no I’m never going to sleep again!!

If you are uncomfortable feel free to do this! Don’t feel embarrassed or silly, because anything that makes you feel safe is a good thing. But? Being escorted everywhere by guards/police/burly man-authority figure is not a requirement to living a rape-free life.

The last line can join the special hell.

• ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot).

Fun fact: No! And a bonus NO!  A closed space where you cannot run? Where, if it breaks down you are essentially trapped in a small metal box? Nnnnnno! If someone who makes you uncomfortable gets on an elevator with you please feel free to get off! It isn’t rude.

• If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN!

HOW DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THEIR GUN SKILLS WHERE ARE THESE NUMBERS COMING FROM OH MY GOD I CANNOT DO THIS. CHANCES ARE GOOD YOU WON’T BE HIT YES BUT THIS IS SITUATIONAL.

• As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP IT! It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked “for help” into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.

Oh finally this last bit of ‘advice’ is just. Upsetting! Some idiot advice-writer is commanding all these pitiful naive women to not help fellow man because of fear, to give up acts of altruism just in case someone may hurt you. Commanding women to stop trusting! STOP IT!

DON’T STOP. DO NOT BE AFRAID TO TRUST EVERY PERSON EVER BECAUSE OF A STUPID DAMN STUPID SFIUGFJYTD STUPID STUPID!

BE CAREFUL. DO YOUR BEST TO BE SAFE.

BUT NEVER EVER EVER BLAME YOURSELF FOR TRUSTING SOMEONE, EVEN IF YOU FIND OUT THAT YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE TRUSTED THEM.  IT DOESN’T MAKE YOU A BAD PERSON.

SOMEONE BETRAYING YOUR TRUST AND VIOLATING YOUR BODY IS NOT ABOUT WHAT YOU DID OR WHO YOU TRUSTED. IT IS ABOUT A SEPARATE HUMAN BEING MAKING A CONSCIENCE DECISION TO HURT YOU. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE SCARED CONSTANTLY TO LIVE IN THIS WORLD.

Fear is one thing. Paranoia foisted onto you is a horse of a shitty bullshit crap crap poop color.

WELCOME TO YOUR SOCIETY ON MASS HYSTERIA.

This is rape culture, fear culture.

These are ‘the rules’, the questions people will ask you before they ask if you are okay.

When you don’t follow these rules to the letter? Hopefully people will be good humans, will tell you and assure you and repeat, until you believe, “It is not your fault.”

But then there are the people who mouth those words. Behind them is a ‘but’, an ‘if’ If you are lucky, they don’t say it to your face!

“If only you didn’t have long hair. But if you had yelled. If only you struggled. But if you hadn’t been on your cell phone. If only you…”

No.

Rape is about power. Punishment. Vulnerability. It isn’t about the umbrella you are carrying or if your clothes are easy to snip with scissors.

The type of rapist “interviewed” (read as “bullshit”) would be a very specific kind of scum. Usually male-bodied, and dangerous enough that they were caught, enough evidence and people coming forward that the jury actually gave a longish sentence. They are in the minority of people who rape. Vast, vast minority.

Most of the people who rape, and will rape again? Do it through trust. They are married. They are coworkers. They are babysitters. They are the people a whole community will stand up and defend while scores of victims stay silent.

This advice is just more of the same ‘if only’. It isn’t helpful. The only way to stop victim-blaming is to not let insidious little things like this ‘advice’ stand. Stop commanding me to be afraid. Stop telling me that I have to prevent faceless monsters. Start putting the blame on the human being who made the conscience choice to assault another human. That is where the culpability belongs.

Have a snopes article on the theme, I’m done.

Edited to add:

The snopes article is good for describing types of rapists and how false the various facts are, but does have some troubling “don’t be out in the morning don’t be a statistic!” near the end. Not exactly victim-blaming but, be aware!

Here is better link that further goes into why each bit of advice is wrong/dangerous/untrue that is spectacular at placing the blame where it belongs.

“There must be a perpetrator before there can be a victim. The victim never comes first, even in rape. The perpetrator is the active agent, not the victim.”

I am so fucking glad someone finally went through and pointed out the things wrong with that article.

And you know what, I first read “Through a Rapist’s Eyes” when I was…12 maybe? 13? It sparked a crippling paranoia in me and I lived my life in constant fear that I would be raped or kidnapped. I pasted up on my wall what I wanted my mom to do if I was kidnapped or killed, I had a list of people I wanted my mom to contact in case I was kidnapped or killed, and I had in my wallet a “Letter to the police or whoever may have found this wallet” in case my wallet was left behind after I was kidnapped or killed, and it had my mom’s numbers and teacher’s numbers and the school I went to, and all the stuff people might need to know and people they might need to inform of finding my wallet. At one point I stopped leaving the house because I was too afraid.

So I’m super glad that this correction was made.

I knew there was something wrong with this post the first time it came past my dash. I feel like it was written by someone who was totally cool with something bad happening to women. Honestly, that elevator post was the last straw. I read it and could only think, “What??”

Yeah. I’m glad someone corrected it, too.

I know it’s long, but READ THE CORRECTIONS AND COMMENTS, folks. 

(Source: phasmidhugs, via puggbutt)