Seriously though, I am extremely cautious of white women and learned to keep them at a distance until I know they actually have a hold of their own whiteness, they can actually see me as a woman like them, and they can handle themselves and hold themselves responsible for their actions and results. Which really, is a big piece of feminism that a lot of white fauxminists conveniently leave out when it comes to race and racism.
This means, I’m pretty much cautious of about 99 percent of white women I talk to on a regular basis. I’ve been burned by y’all too much to know not to immediately trust you and think of you as a potential perpetrator until you prove otherwise.
Because a lot of you ARE perpetrators, DESPITE the fact that you’re victims of patriarchy. But a lot of you cling onto your victim roles, easily seeing how women LIKE YOU are victims of patriarchy. But ONLY women like you.
You’re very well a victim, but denying your privileges and pretending you can never be a perpetrator is outright delusional, not to mention irresponsible. And that’s why you might have heard time and time again that all you’re doing is trying to destroy the master’s house with the master’s tools, which in the end, will never work for you. But in the process, you shit on WoC and abuse us — usually emotionally and mentally.
That’s why I don’t have much sympathy for you when I see you act a fool.
So you still have to work to earn my trust. And a lot of you don’t trust WoC or other marginalized groups, so why should we trust you?
And I think this is why a lot of y’all are patronizing to WoC. You’re showing you don’t trust us, our experiences as women who are also of color, our perceptions of our own situations, or our reasons and feelings. You never try to see through our eyes, assuming your eyes are good enough. Again, you only think of women LIKE YOU as being victimized, usually never respecting women who are different from you.
So, you often talk to us like we’re 2-years-old.
If we say something in your spaces, you immediately talk down to us as if we don’t know the situation or what you’re talking about. If we talk in our spaces, you immediately give usually unsolicited, condescending advice. And you trap us here — you might be well-meaning, but you’re disrespecting us. If we call out your disrespect, you usually whine and complain, never seeing how we were seeing you. If we are polite to you, we’re giving into your disrespect, and your ego is stroked.
Hell, we can’t even be facetious or have fun without you coming in and talking to us like we’re children who just can’t handle ourselves.
A lot of white women think that they are some sort of moral authority and get very upset when they are told WoC have their own morals and authority that are not the same as theirs, nor are our experiences. Then, they never realize that different doesn’t mean inferior.
It’s VERY hard to have an honest dialogue, what white women cry they want with WoC, when you act like this and refuse to at least try to see through our eyes. You seem to think that you have to “lift us up,” like we’re wounded puppies. Or, you think what you have to do is “give voice to the voiceless” and play that white lady from The Help — trying to speak for us instead of listening to us and letting us speak.
And when you patronize us, you’re trying to keep us “in our place” in YOUR constructed hierarchy of women where you are put at the top. Again, you don’t even try to see things through other people’s eyes. You can never walk in our shoes, but you can at least gain some perception.
And the sad thing is, a lot of you act like this without even noticing it yourselves.
Your white supremacy is very subtle, just like patronizing, passive-aggression, and covert aggression usually is, but don’t think we can’t feel it when it’s there. You might act caring, and you might even believe you are being so, but that sense of superiority from you is there and will be there until you can dismantle it. Until then, WoC don’t owe you a a damn thing, especially not a discussion.
And if white women reblog this, you’re probably going to reblog with disingenuous commentary about how you “learn so much” from me, again, using WoC as a tool for your own understanding and growth.
No, I’m talking about my experiences as a WoC for my own benefit, not for yours. Again, you’re a potential perpetrator to me unless you actually PROVE yourself otherwise.
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