madame thursday

Transcript:

[

“So I was reading through my comments the other day when I came across one that really disturbed me. 

“How the [bleep sound] does this stupid piece of [bleep sound] have seven million views.”

Thanks for watching!

“[Bleep sound] Go back to Africa!”

“I’d love to visit Africa some day. That would be awesome.”

“This girl is really pretty. No homo.” 

[Sound of record scratching to a sudden stop.]

Huh? I know what you’re thinking. It’s two thousand and twelve. Who still says that? I thought the same thing, too. But for those of you who don’t know, “no homo” is a qualifier that’s used to assure your present company that you are not, in fact, a homosexual. Because this phrase makes my skin crawl I decided to come up with a few qualifiers of my own and with your help, I hope that I can make these really popular in two thousand and twelve.

“Can I borrow this? Thanks. No klepto.”

“Thanks for letting me crash on your couch. No hobo.”

(assuming a baby talk voice) “Who’s the cutest puppy in the whole wide world? You’re the cutest puppy. No beasto! I mean, just ‘cause you’re cute doesn’t mean I wanna have sex with you, you crazy little dog.

(while sniffling and crying) “Oh, grandpa. I just miss you so much. No necro.”

“She’s beautiful.”

Character holding baby: “Oh, thank you.”

“Oh, no pedo.” 

Character holding baby: “What?”

Have any qualifiers of your own that you’d like to make up? Or maybe there’s a phrase that really just skeeves you out. Let me know in the comments below and I’ll talk to you guys later. Bye!

(voiceover): You can get caught up with my most recent comedy and hair style video by clicking on one of the thumbnails on the left. I’m also on twitter, Facebook, and have my own website. And no need to ask, you are always welcome to share my videos wherever you choose. Thanks.]